Twenty-five years.
Each one of these years was spent in the church, my second home. Generations of family, the best of friends, conferences, events, memories to last a lifetime, but then, it all changed. There was a voice inside of me that I had quieted over the years…and it became louder and louder, like she could no longer stay silent. I found myself feeling empty, not learning anything, like my eyes were opened to a church that I didn’t even recognize.
The Questions
A Christian that had dedicated my life to this church, to excessive volunteering, and yet – what did I get out of it? Where was God in all of this? Why am I just learning about how to become a better human being with self-help sermons? Why is it only about building the church and expanding locations, but not about truly knowing God? Is volunteering really what makes you a true Christian? I needed more. I needed answers.
Then it hit me. None of that mattered. The biggest realization I’ve ever had in my life took place. I did not know God, and it broke me.
The Realization
Twenty-five years, and I could only tell you the most famous Bible verses, the well-known Bible stories, and sing all the lyrics to the latest Hillsong hit. We’ve been filled with the world of Christianity that has strayed from knowing our Creator in the way He had destined – and we didn’t even know. I didn’t even know.
But, I think that’s when you’re finally in a place to truly find Him — when you surrender. I accepted that I had never truly learned about the Bible while I’d attended this church my whole life, and it hurt. It felt like it was a complete waste of time and I felt like a phony Christian. I was upset, angry, and felt betrayed. How could I have been led so blindly down the path that I’ve taken the past twenty-five years?
I was mad at myself for never questioning so many things about the church, about the Bible, and being okay with cop-out responses. I was led to believe that as Christians we’re not supposed to know all the answers, and if questions were asked – well, then you’re clearly questioning your faith and need to pray about it and check your heart. My voice was quieted. Questions, stopped.
But then I was reminded, God will not judge you for what you don’t know. Isn’t God amazing? He is full of grace, patience, forgiveness, and eternal love. So, what could I do for Him in return?
The Decision
I came to a crossroads and had to decide. Do I leave the church I attended my whole life and try to find a new church home? Or do I stay in the comfortable life that I have always had, attending a church that no longer felt right? Fear not, my friends. The decision was made for me.
This lost girl was found.
And now I’m here, twenty-six years old and learning about God each and every day. Like, truly learning, from the Bible and the Bible only. It’s a weird thought, right? This whole time I never questioned why there were so many different interpretations of the Bible, so many different commentaries. Isn’t that kind of odd? If we are meant to be one body in Christ, then how come the billions of religious souls on this earth never learned the same teachings? Why are there so many religions? Denominations of Christianity?
Ask and you shall receive.
It’s been one year since I’ve found the truth, the light. I stepped into the unknown and found my new home. I’m proud to call myself a child of God, to be acknowledged by God as His. All it takes is one step. Which path are you going to take? Are you ready to find the light? Are you ready to let go of what you have always known?
Do not be afraid to ask questions and to start over. It is painful, but I promise you, it’s worth it.
Ultimately, I left the church…and still found God.
Written by Gabriella
Read More
If you’re looking for more answers to questions or would like to read more about Christianity, God and the Bible, you can also check out these posts!
Do You Think You Would Have Believed in Jesus 2,000 Years Ago?
And be sure to check out our Instagram for weekly prayers, verses and encouragement!
Subscribe to As It Is in Heaven!
If you’d like to stay up to date on our newest posts, make sure to subscribe below!